Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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