so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
