That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
