I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
