I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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