Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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