Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
