Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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