im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
