please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
