Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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