I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
