Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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