I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
