Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
