I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so let's talk penis.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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