I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
