you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
