I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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