Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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