i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
