Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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