I feel great
I just peed on a car
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize