some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
