Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
