I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
