So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
