apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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