whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
