Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
