He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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