Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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