It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
