i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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