u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize