I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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