The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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