I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Alive.
So much puke
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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