Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
