Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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