Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
