Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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