Where did you get a picture of my penis
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize