The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
