I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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