i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
