All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
