y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
