I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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