sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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