dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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