no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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