nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
