I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
