D3 body, D1 cock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
