she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize