I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
