I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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