he puts the penis in happiness.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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