So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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