I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did I show you my penis last night?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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