She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
